Don’t we all want to raise a well disciplined child? Perfect parenting is impossible and there are no handbooks included as every child is different. Some crawl first while some learn to sit directly. In either case, it’s normal!
If parenting to you means providing your child with all needs and discipline when need be, think again! May be, you are wrong. An essential part of parenting is communication. We often forget to draw the line between how we speak to each other and how we communicate with our children. You are your child’s safe haven. If you punctuate your vocabulary with harsh phrases or use demeaning words, it can sabotage your child’s self confidence. Not only verbal, but your tone and body language also counts. This can impact your child’s self concept. He/she can think ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I cannot make my parents happy’ etc. which can scar them emotionally for life.
So, watch what you say to your child!
Here’s what you should avoid saying to enjoy ‘the’ connect with your baby :
- You can not do it
- No one likes you
- You are a big disappointment
- You are impossible
- Are you an idiot?
- You are a big burden
- I have more important work to do than sit and listen to you.
8. Don’t ask so many questions
9. Get out/ get lost
10. You don’t have the right to decide.
11. You are like your father/mother.
12. We were happier before you.
13. He’s a boy/she’s a girl so….
14. Stop crying like a girl!
15. Why can’t you be like….
16. You have to come first.
These negative words will not only impact your Child’s self concept but will also be ingrained for life. They develop ‘fear’ which does not go away and it becomes a barrier for a healthy emotional life.
The research, published in the journal Child Development, involving 900 families, found out that adolescents who experienced harsh verbal discipline from their parents were more likely to foster anger, be antsy, show signs of depression and misbehave in school.
So, how do you rule out unacceptable behaviour without resorting to harsh words? Label the behaviour, not the child! For example – instead of calling your child a ‘selfish person’, label the action. Tell him/her, “it’s not good to be selfish, we must share. How would you feel if your friends never shared anything with you?”
P. S. Be a mindful parent, your words/actions should aim at their bad behaviour, not at them.
Thanks for joining me. Hope you had a good read!
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily mirror the views or opinions of any individual.
Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first – Matthew Jacobsen